Ellie's story

As founder of a ground-breaking suicide prevention organisation, as well as working as a writer, an author and as an award-winning public speaker, Wigan-based Ellie is outwardly bright, energetic and vivacious.

However, she lives with suicidal ideation and has done since the age of 12. As a mum of two young children Ellie came close to taking her own life when feelings of hopelessness threatened to overwhelm her.

Ellie said: “I suffered a lot of trauma and things that went wrong in my childhood and teen years. Suicidal ideation really followed me through most of my young adult life. It was always so powerful. It was like a big black dark cloud upon me.

“By the time I got to 30, that’s when I hit rock bottom. I just thought ‘I can’t do this anymore and I’ve got to end it’. I wanted to take my life.

“I was so close to it and I just cried out for help. I spoke to close friends and with their help and help from my GP I very slowly came back from that place.”

Despite further setbacks in her life including spinal surgery and a serious road accident, Ellie has thrown herself into her work, including founding EPiC HOPE offering suicide prevention training and intervention at locations across Wigan.

Her daughter Rhiannon has joined EPiC HOPE as deputy service lead and the organisation is going from strength-to-strength, offering extended hours in physical locations.

She said: “EPiC HOPE offers ‘Harbours’, places where people struggling with depression or anxiety can go to for a brew and a chat. We aim to help people who are close to suicidal crisis.

“If you’re a person that has struggled, please don’t feel like you’re a failure. If you are surrounded with the right people who have your back, and you know where to go for the right support it is always going to be there when you need it.”

Ellie, an ordained minister, said: “I do have times when I feel suicidal but I think I’ve learned to manage that little part of myself. There is so much more to me.

“I’m so glad I’m here and I am so glad that I’m alive. I found my faith and over all the years my faith has probably kept me alive.

“If somebody hears my story and thinks ‘nobody feels this rock bottom’ I’ve been there. But the next day something can happen to bring you out of that depression and change your life for the better.”

Find out more about the work of EPiC HOPE and Ellie at epichope.org.uk.